© Copyright 2019 Grief Probate Journey Blog *PLEASE NOTE THIS INFORMATION IS SOURCED FROM UK and AMERICAN WEBSITES* It is also based on our own experience. *We are not experts in this field, we are speaking purely on our own experience with information sought from the internet to give further examples.*
Please see Sharing and Grief which covers:
- Introduction/Our Story
- Illustrative Examples: Sharing and Grief
- Illustrative Examples: Coronavirus and Grief
- YouTube Video: Kyrie Irving for Shared Grief
- Sharing and Grief
- Coronavirus and Grief Sharing
- Links on Sharing and Grief
- Links on Coronavirus and Grief
- Our Final Thoughts
1. Introduction/Our Story
We decided to do this topic through a chance encounter.
I was out somewhere and talking to someone that I did not know. They shared something with me that touched my heart. After speaking with this person, it got my mind thinking and that is how this topic came about.
It reconfirmed or made us think, this is why we have started this blog. Our whole purpose is sharing our story in the hope of helping others.
Little did I know in that moment when I was out, that would be my last major social event. I was at a music concert.
Since finalising this topic in preparation for posting on Monday 23rd March 2020, the world as we know it has changed,this is why there has been a delay in posting it. Although this is a relevant topic because sharing in times of feeling down, distress, depressed or even in moments of joy, is a good and positive thing. The current situation with Coronavirus put a temporary hold on this.
Monday 23rd March 2020 the UK was officially put on lockdown. This now means:
- Only keyworkers who cannot work from home are allowed to work
- We are allowed to exercise once daily
- We are allowed to go shopping but only for essential items, limiting the time we spend out
- When out we have to keep a distance of 2 metres from people
- Social gatherings have been cancelled – the only exception being funerals (these are limited to immediate family, and only if they are not displaying symptoms of COVID-19.
- People are sadly losing their life to this virus daily in large scale amounts
The above is not even the full extent to what is currently happening worldwide. It really is sad, surreal and trying times.
Even more so now than ever with this lockdown and quarantine period, sharing with one another is paramount.
For the past few weeks, our topics have been more related to the pandemic as this is what felt right for us to do. We are still sharing our story, but in a different way to acknowledge and try to make a difference with what is happening worldwide.
Something that my sister made me realise as it had somehow left my mind, today (Monday 13th April 2020) is three years to the date we got the chance to lay our Dad to rest. It truly does not feel as though it’s been that many years. The fact the date was not in my mind, this is yet another traumatic memory that I’ve pushed aside in the vault with all the other sad traumatic memories, and then on top of everything that is going on right now with the coronavirus pandemic, it is dominating in my daily life so it is no wonder it wasn’t at the forefront of my mind. For my sister this has brought it all out, so it has had an opposite effect on the both of us.
We are experiencing our first situation related to our Dad because of the pandemic. Usually on this day we would go to the cemetery and then be together as a family for the day. For the first time since our Dad passed away it will not be possible for us. As with many people worldwide we are grateful for technology and the fact we can connect as a family in this way as an alternative.
We are also grateful for, and appreciate the fact that we were able to lay our Dad to rest. As we have said in previous posts, our hearts go out to families around the world that sadly cannot have this same opportunity due to the pandemic.
We miss our Dad every day. The only thing that slightly eases the pain that he is no longer here with us, is that it took away his pain that he courageously battled with during his time in the hospital.
With that being said, please see Sharing and Grief:
2. Illustrative Examples: Sharing and Grief
3. Illustrative Examples: Coronvirus and Grief
4. YouTube Video: Sharing and Grief
Kyrie Irving for Shared Grief
5. Sharing and Grief
“An old proverb says, “Grief shared is halved; joy shared is doubled.” In our desire to be strong for each other, we unwittingly prolonged our pain. … It takes courage to be honest about our pain and let someone into our tender areas”. (26 Jan 2015)
“Sharing is an action step and the human connection for us to process our grief. According to renown death and grief experts Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler: “Telling the story helps to dissipate the pain. Telling your story often and in detail is primal to the grieving process. You must get it out”.
“What does the grieving person need to know – and have to be able to do – in order to successfully work through the pain and chaotic emotions that accompany the death of someone we love”?
“Helping others cope with grief isn’t so difficult. For the bereaved sharing grief with a close friend or family member can be a great comfort”.
“Sharing a grief story is a tool available to every griever, and one of the most important things we can do to heal and move forward”.
“I find it difficult to cry in front of people, and I’m not even sure why.(1) Even when I want to cry, I can’t. Behind closed doors I dissolve into a fountain of expression”.
“Grief is part of the human experience, and sharing our vulnerability helps create truly close bonds. When we experience something that causes us to feel shock and sadness, we may feel the urge to withdraw from life. It may seem like remaining withdrawn will keep us protected from the world, but during these times it is important to reach out to those trusted and precious people who care about us the most”.
“A Wall Street Journal article about the experiences of the bereaved prompted readers to write about their own losses”.
“Expressing your emotions is vital during grief”.
“5 ways to express your feelings when grieving”
- “Write a journal”.
- “Write a letter to your loved one”.
- “Talk to a friend or family member”.
- “Talk to a counsellor or therapist”. (8 Aug 2016)
“We wanted to make talking about grief a little easier. You shared the film with your family and friends and you told us your stories about grief”.
“For many people, grief as an emotional experience still has a stigma attached to it, and so they wrongly believe that it would be better hidden or avoided”.
My sister and I are trying our best to help to break this “stigma” around the topic of grief.
6. Coronavirus and grief sharing
“Humans are a social species, which means sharing one’s thoughts, feelings and experiences. Successful social connection involves the ability to share both positive and negative emotions”
“If someone dies of coronavirus or complications resulting from the virus, a number of things may be particularly hard for family and friends to deal with. If you are feeling very distressed, share your feelings with someone you trust.”
“Feeling guilty is very common when someone is bereaved. The need to blame someone after a traumatic or untimely death can be very strong. No-one is perfect and sometimes blaming ourselves can be easier than blaming the person who died or others. If someone has died of coronavirus, or under circumstances affected by the pandemic this can make things worse. A bereaved person might blame themselves for infecting the person who died, or for not being able to protect them. They may feel very guilty if they were not able to be with the person and pass on any last messages, even if this was not their fault”.
“This isolation can make feelings of loneliness and grief much more intense. It could mean having to stay by themselves in the same house you shared with the person who has died, bringing up painful reminders at every turn. You might be isolated together with your family, and although this at times may be a support, at other times tensions and resentments can be magnified making it difficult to help each other”.
“Charities and organisations offer guidance, advice, and support to deal with bereavement during the coronavirus pandemic”.
“Bereavement, which is a difficult experience under any situation, is taking place under very challenging circumstances during the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic.
Both those who experience loss as a consequence to COVID-19, or loss through another cause may experience increased trauma and may be cut off from some of their usual support network”.
“News about the Coronavirus pandemic is everywhere. With schools closing and many people constantly exposed to digital media, it is no longer possible to control the news that we consume, or to shield children from upsetting information.
What you can do is to help minimise the negative impact it has on your children. You can do this through open and honest conversations at home”.
“Virtual funerals, social isolation and quarantine define grieving for the loss of our loved ones in the age of coronavirus”.
7. Links on Sharing and Grief
- Opinion | The Gift of Shared Grief – The New York Times
- Shared Grief – Transformative Grief
- The Shared Grief Project
- How to Handle Shared Grief at Work | HBR Ascend
- Sharing Grief – DailyOM
8. Links on Coronavirus and Grief
- Coronavirus: How to grieve a loved one when you can’t say goodbye – BBC News
- As Coronavirus Alters Our World You May Be Grieving: Take Care Of Yourself
- How Coronavirus has stolen my grief | Jewish News
- Many Irons: 8 ways to cope with grief during the Coronavirus outbreak
9. Our Final Thoughts
The saying goes “Sharing is Caring” and even in these times we need to try more than ever to live by that saying. The unified support being shown for one another worldwide is amazing and lovely to witness and be a part of. Together we can help eachother get through this situatuion as positively as possible even thought it is life changing for all of us in many different ways.