We are doing this topic as today is seven years since our Dad sadly passed away. It is unbelievable to us as seven years is a long time. But to us, it still seems new. We miss him dearly….
Please see Seven Years of Grief which covers:
- Introduction
- Seven Years of Grief
- Grief and its effects on the body
- Losing a parent
- Our final Thoughts/YouTube Video
© Copyright 2019 Grief Probate Journey Blog *PLEASE NOTE THIS INFORMATION IS SOURCED FROM UK and AMERICAN WEBSITES* It is also based on our own experience. *We are not experts in this field, we are speaking purely on our own experience with information sought from the internet to give further examples. *
1. Introduction
We are doing this topic as today (6th March) is seven years since our Dad sadly passed away. It is unbelievable to us as seven years is a long time. But to us, it still seems new. We miss him dearly.
For some reason recently I was counting how many years it’s been. When it came to seven, I kept recalculating as it felt like it couldn’t be possible that it was correct.
Even though life has gone on, it does feel that it’s stood still in some ways. We are progressing forward but in a different type of way. A part of us is missing. It will never be replaced. It has changed us forever. We will never be the same again.
In some ways, I miss the old me (we have a topic on that), and it surprises me how much more introverted I’ve become, and more anxious. This becomes more apparent when as an example Facebook shows me memories of previous years. When I look at the posts I used to do and how much I used to share, it doesn’t seem as though I was ever that person.
Something else I’ve observed is when I hear about the loss of someone it affects me so much more over time since losing our Dad. It’s an instant internal sadness, and also a lack of belief in the fact that the person is no longer here on this earth. My brain can’t get around it even though it is reality. I try my best to acknowledge the loss, and my feelings towards it. And then try to continue daily as best as possible. (We have a topic about this).
Since launching our blog in June 2019 we have been absent for a reasonable amount of times twice. The first time was in May 2021 when unfortunately our Instagram page got hacked. We did a topic on this. It was such a traumatic and mentally and physically challenging and exhausting time. It also felt like we’d experienced another loss. Three years of our work gone in literally a second. It felt like a violation. It affected us on many levels. I strained my chest muscles due to my anxiety levels. (We did a topic on this).
After coming to realise we weren’t going to get our page back. We felt we couldn’t let the hackers win. It was time to come back. (We did a topic on that). We felt humbled and blessed to have been welcomed back so warmly within the grief community. And even though we went from 1000 followers to starting from scratch. We could see we still had our purpose.
More recently we have been absent again since September 2023. This was for various reasons, one of those being me (Tara) launching my business Dacosta-Joy Naturals. Even though we hadn’t been present in the grief platform. I still felt connected to my Dad and that I was carrying his legacy forward (we did a topic on it). The main reason for this is. Dacosta was my Dad’s middle name. Joy is my Mum’s middle name. The logo is a flower (Nasturtium) of a picture taken in my Dad’s garden. It would grow in a row of three and I would say it represents me, my mum, and my sister. Nasturtium is also the logo for our blog but as a single flower. That picture was also taken from our Dad’s garden.
We miss our Dad immensely, and although we know it isn’t possible, we wish we still had him here with us. That being said, we still take comfort in signs that we see that make us know our Dad is watching over us. And these signs come at times of needing comfort or reassurance.
It is unjust the way things ended for our Dad and that is something we will never get over. Unfortunately, our fight against the hospital where our Dad was an inpatient came to nothing. We believe our time was intentionally wasted so that we didn’t have a chance to get the justice deserved for our Dad. This realisation has deflated us on levels that cannot be explained. We truly tried our best. But our best efforts didn’t work out.
Despite this, we still continue to try and do our Dad proud. We will never give up on this blog and sharing our story, and other people’s stories. Helping to raise awareness of health matters. That sense of purpose is still within us.
I am also hoping that Dacosta-Joy Naturals will continue to go from strength to strength so that it too can become a family legacy.
Please see Seven Years of Grief:
2. Seven Years of Grief
2.1 Grieving 7 Years After a death – Loss of a Parent or Grandparent
(15 Apr 2005) — “My father died what will be 7 years ago on April 20th and I think I never grieved for him. I got sick in the last month and I think it” …
2.2 What I’ve Learned About Grieving After Seven Years
(22 Oct 2018) — “Today I want to talk about something kind of heavy: grief. This upcoming Sunday will mark seven years since my father passed away and, believe” …
2.3 Is it normal to still grieve after 7 years?
“It is completely normal to feel profoundly sad for more than a year, and sometimes many years, after a person you love has died. Don’t put pressure on yourself to feel better or move on because other people think you should. Be compassionate with yourself and take the space and time you need to grieve”.
2.4 How many years does it take to get over grief?
“It’s common for the grief process to take a year or longer. Grief most often gets less intense over time, but the sense of loss can last for decades. Certain events, mementos or memories can bring back strong emotions, that usually last for a short time”. (19 Dec 2023).
2.4 Do some people grieve forever?
“For some people, feelings of loss are debilitating and don’t improve even after time passes. This is known as complicated grief, sometimes called persistent complex bereavement disorder”. (13 Dec 2022).
3. Grief and its effects on the body
3.1 Does grief permanently change you?
“Most grievers will forever feel that a part of them is missing – every day will have a void where they wish their loved one could be. Many grievers will carry at least some part of the trauma that surrounds even “expected” loss and feel a little broken or wounded in some way”.
3.2 What is the difference between grieving and mourning?
“The difference between grief and mourning are the internal vs. External nature of the processes. Grief relates to the thoughts and feelings that accompany a loss; from sadness to anger to longing to be with the person. On the other hand, mourning is how feelings of grief are shown to the public”. (11 Jul 2022).
“Grief or bereavement releases the hormone cortisol in reaction to stress that breaks down tissue and, in excess, can lead to collagen breakdown and accelerated aging”. (9 Feb 2023).
3.4 How does grief affect aging?
“Older adults are more likely to become physically ill after a loved one dies. It is important that the bereaved older adult maintain contact with their healthcare providers. Older adults often lack the support systems they had in their younger years”.
3.5 What is the typical reaction to grief for older adults?
“Common grief responses include: Disbelief, numbness, shock, inability to accept the loss as a reality. Anger or frustration that the loss occurred. Sadness with feelings of helplessness, despair and isolation”.
4. Losing a parent
4.1 Seven years without you – Unexpected Adventures – Jess Bacon
(13 May 2020) — “Seven years after losing my Dad I reflect on 7 things I’ve achieved, 7 things we’ve done in his memory and 7 things I want to do in the next” …
4.2 Helping Yourself When Your Parent Dies
“By Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. Your mother or father has died. Whether you had a good, bad or indifferent relationship with the parent who died, your feelings for hi”…
4.3 The Worst Age to Lose a Parent & Physiological Effects
20 Feb 2024 — “Considering how detrimentally the death of a father or mother affects their children, society must support children in grieving healthily”.
4.4 How to Recover and Find Strength after Losing a Parent
“Society often writes off the death a parent as the natural order of events, but those who’ve experienced it know how life-changing it is”.
4.5 Losing a parent – coping with the death of a parent
“Losing your mother or father can be an incredibly painful experience and you may go through a range of emotions, like shock, regret and anger after their” …
4.6 What is the most traumatic age to lose a parent?
“Yes, losing a parent in your 50s is hard, although you may have more emotional maturity to handle this than those in their 20s, 30s, or 40s, according to research. In the 50s, the death of a parent can bring a stark awareness of one’s aging process and mortality”. (20 Feb 2024).
5. Our final Thoughts/YouTube Video
Life is precious, short, and sweet. It is unpredictable with many ups, downs, highs, and lows. Through this all, with the love, support, and understanding of our loved ones around us, it is possible to see brighter days.
Grief Probate Journey 