From the moment our Dad was hospitalised in September 2016. Life for our family has never been the same since.
We had absolutely no idea what we were about to face. To say we were far from prepared is a huge understatement.
In almost every situation we have been in and decisions we’ve had to make, we’ve been clueless…….
Please see Responsibility and Grief which covers:
- Introduction
- Quotes: Responsibility and Grief
- Responsibility and Grief
- Our Final thoughts/Our YouTube Video
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1. Introduction
From the moment our Dad was hospitalised in September 2016. Life for our family has never been the same since.
We had absolutely no idea what we were about to face. To say we were far from prepared is a huge understatement.
In almost every situation we have been in and decisions we’ve had to make, we’ve been clueless.
We’ve been faced with having to deal with and make some of the biggest decisions in our life. One’s where you wouldn’t want that full responsibility to be all on you. Decisions where you wish that you had someone who could take over if you feel like you could no longer deal with things.
We’ve often felt like we wish we could bury our head in the sand like an ostrich and only come back out once everything is sorted out, but of course that also isn’t an option.
We’ve not had that choice as everything we were handling could only be done by us, as an example Probate (We also have a topic on Probate). As our parents are divorced, being our Dad’s only children. Legally handling our Dad’s affairs was Tanya and I sole responsibility. It feels like the biggest shoes we’ve ever had to fill.
We also have topics on:
For my sister and I, we feel we have many responsibilities in our grief journey. At the time our Dad was in the hospital our main responsibility was always trying our best to ensure Our Dad was cared for as best as possible.
When our Dad sadly passed away, we felt immense guilt, amongst our other emotions, but the guilt that we felt and took on should never have been on us. We felt guilty about the way things turned out and that our Dad is not here with us. What we have to keep telling ourselves is that we were not the medical professionals, there was only so much we could do as his daughters to help our Dad get better. We put our trust for our Dads care in the hands of medical professionals as that is what happens when someone is seriously ill. But we never ever thought that things would go the way that they did, as in our Dad and us treated in the way that we were. We never ever thought our Dad wouldn’t ever leave the hospital.
We were not prepared.
Our responsibility was to our Mum ensuring she was okay mentally and physically, and also Tanya with her children, and together sorting our Dad’s estate.
We also had another huge responsibility which is the one to ourselves, looking out for ourselves, making sure we are also okay mentally and physically.
This is the part we have not managed to do very well at all. We are very aware of this, It is probably not the best way, but it is the way things have been for us.
To get on with and deal with our many responsibilities, we have pushed aside our deep emotions which relate to our Dad passing away. This has become our long-standing coping mechanism.
We also believe our way of dealing with things has a lot to do with the nature and circumstances surrounding how our Dad passed away. For these reasons our true grieving has been halted, we are feeling like we are in a state of limbo, or our feelings are on pause, on hold. The future is always unknown as this current worldwide pandemic is a testament to that fact. My sister and I are hoping that sometime in the future we will be able to come to a point of acceptance, understanding and healing. For now, we are doing our best to take care of ourselves moving forward in our grief journey as positive as can be.
The reason this has become a topic is that we decided to type in responsibility and grief to see if anything came up. As it did, this is another part of the journey that we are sharing in case there might be other people going through or experiencing something similar.
Please see Responsibility and Grief:
2. Quotes: Responsibility and Grief
3. Responsibility and Grief
3.1 What to do when someone dies: Bereavement support – MSE
“8 Oct 2020 — It says who the executor is. This is the person who’s responsible for dealing with the estate – the term for all their property, money, debt”, …
3.2 How To Manage Grief as the Executor or Administrator of an Estate
“24 Mar 2020 — As the executor of an estate, you may be navigating this difficult emotional experience while simultaneously trying to handle the details of a probate process. … Hand them a list of executor duties and ask them to help you” …
3.3 How to handle an Estate after death | Dignity Funerals
“Administrator – someone who is appointed to administer the estate if there is no Will or the appointed executor can’t carry out their duties. Assets – real estate, cars,” …
3.4 Dealing with the Estate of someone who’s died – GOV.UK
“This will protect you from responsibility for any debts. You can use money from the estate to pay any solicitor’s fees as part of the probate process. You may also” …
3.5 The Power of Responsibility in Healing From Loss | Intuitive
“27 Mar 2018 — The Grief Recovery Method® emphasizes the need for us to take at least 1% responsibility for our reaction in the present moment. That 1%” …
3.6 Bereavement, Grief and Loss – University of Warwick
“24 Apr 2020 — People who have been bereaved often say they feel directly or indirectly responsible for their loved one’s death. You may also feel guilty if you”…
3.7 Role of Community Support in Grief Management | By Shirlaxmi
“Whether you are recovering from a devastating bereavement or processing one of the more subtle losses in life, the GriefShare community of CareSpace provides” …
4. Our Final thoughts/Our YouTube Video
We understand that not every situation will be the same for everyone, this is how things went for us in our situation as children of divorced parents.
We hope this topic migt be of use to those who read it.
Our YouTube Video:
Grief Probate Journey 