Life is all about change. Change is part of life whether we like it or not. Whether we are prepared to accept it or not. It is something that is guaranteed in life. For us, our life changed the day our Dad was admitted to hospital on 5th September 2016. We just did not know that would be the day our lives would change forever and never be the same again…..
Please see: Change and Grief which covers:
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1. Introduction/Our Story
Life is all about change. Change is part of life whether we like it or not. Whether we are prepared to accept it or not. It is something that is guaranteed in life.
For us, our life changed the day our Dad was admitted to hospital on 5th September 2016.
We just did not know that would be the day our lives would change forever and never be the same again.
It is surely something that:
- We did not see coming
- We were not prepared for
- Still cannot believe how things turned out.
Yes, we knew our Dad was ill with various infections, but he always recovered and bounced back. We were not prepared for this outcome and did not see it coming.
We are also very sad and upset that our Dad was all alone when it happened.
We had left the hospital less than an hour before we got a phone call advising us to go back. We spoke to our Dad the nephews had said goodbye and goodnight to him before we left.
We can only hope our Dad was not fearful and that he didn’t experience great pain. This is something that we will never know. It is something that we rarely think about because it causes us great sadness and pain.
Our Dad was such a courageous, strong, intelligent, independent, resourceful, humorous and kind-hearted soul. This is why we are so saddened by the way the last seven months of his life played out.
Those seven months were some of the hardest days of our lives. But this was just us the family. We were not in our Dad’s position.
Someone that was used to his independence and taking care of himself in his own home.
In such a short space of time, our Dads life changed immensely
- He lost his sight
- He became immobile
- He lost his independence
- He missed his home, his garden, his way of life. All of that was gone.
Please see Change and Grief:
2. Change and Grief Quotes
3. Change and Grief
3.1 How does death of a loved one change?
“Death in the family changes people in many ways. It makes some to internalize it and not share their grief with others, because they assume that sharing their grief is burdening the others with their suffering. This makes them feel unloved/betrayed/tricked/abandoned by God making them hate and/or disbelieve in God”.
3.2 How Grief changes us: Forever and for now – Grief in common
“20 Jul 2018 · It changes our life, our routine, our plan and right along with it, grief changes us. Change is hard under the best of circumstances (new job”, …
3.3 What is a behavioral response to grief?
“Emotional responses may include sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, loneliness, helplessness, hopelessness, shock, yearning, relief, and numbness. Behavioral responses may include social withdrawal, changes in activity level, avoidance of places or reminders of the deceased, focus on reminders of the deceased”.
3.4 Change, Loss and Grief: Are Your Reactions Unhealthy
“Most people think of the grieving process as something experienced only after the death of a loved one. But we grieve for many reasons — be it the loss of a” …
3.5 Coping With Change After a Loss | Cancer.Net
“The death of a loved one creates many changes for surviving family members. These range from changes in household routines to changes in priorities or future “…
3.6 How to deal with work when you’re grieving
“Help your team build the skills they need to manage stress and become more resilient. Mental wellbeing app with interactive, evidence-based programmes & activities. Learn more! Practical Wellbeing Tools. Improve Focus. Learn To Manage Stress”.
3.7 What it Means to ‘Change Your Relationship With Grief
“1 May 2018 – I also find it hard to justify my grief…I tell myself “everyone loses a parent at some point in their lives” or “at least I haven’t lost a life partner” – …
3.8 How Traumatic Loss and the Weight of Grief Change You
“25 Oct 2019 – The writer describes the impact of a traumatic loss of a loved one, and how difficult it can be. She supports giving families more bereavement” …
3.9 To Promote Positive Change, Start with Grief – Dr Todd Hall
“5 Feb 2016 – Matt, a senior manager, came to see me because he was struggling to perform well in a new management role. He had a lot of anxiety and”
3.10 How do you accept the loss of a loved one?
“These are the ways I’ve learned to better cope with death”.
- “Take your time to mourn”.
- “Remember how the person impacted your life”.
- “Have a funeral that speaks to their personality”.
- “Continue their legacy”.
- “Continue to speak to them and about them”.
- “Know when to get help”.
My sister and I can relate to all of this advice. Although we all are individuals in our grief, these tips are extremely helpful, and speak truth to us and our journey.
- My sister and I are aware that the process of grieving mourning has been in a sense jeopardised because of the nature of the circumstances behind our Dad’s passing. We are taking our time; this is our only option. We could not try to speed up this process even if we tried or wanted too. The best option for us is to try and get to a place of acceptance.
- We think about this very often. Our Dad was a courageous, independent, intelligent, Kind-hearted, respected man. He impacted us and anyone who knew him immensely. He was selfless, humorous, the list is endless, this is naming just a small few of his amazing wonderful qualities.
- We asked that people attending our Dads send-off wear bright colours. The reason why we chose to do this is because our Dad loved sun, sea, and nature, we wanted this to be reflected in his send-off. Most unfortunately because of the current pandemic, it will be difficult to fulfil point number 3 to the best of its ability, or fullest potential.
- With this blog, without realising we are in a way continuing our Dad’s legacy. He was a member of many committees; he was the co-founder of his local tenant’s association. Before leaving his hometown of Barbados, he was responsible for stopping beaches becoming privatised.
- We often do this, as an example, my sisters’ eldest son is so much like our Dad in many ways, his mannerisms, his way of thinking, his intelligence. We often let him know that his Grandad used to say that or used to do that. It makes him smile when we let him know these things. They had such a strong bond, which unfortunately was cut short.
- Throughout our journey, my sister and I have had counselling. We seek to request this at points in time when we know we really not coping well. We are thankful that we have been fortunate to engage in this as it has helped us immensely along our journey.
4. Our Final Thoughts and YouTube Video
As we move through our continued journey of grief and learning, we try our best to remain in the moment of each day we are in. We give thanks for each new day we wake up too, and try our best to get on and adjust with our new way of living since the circumstances of the past foue year’s.
We are also extremely grateful and thankful for the continued, love, support and encouragement we receive. This truly uplifts us and inspires us to continue in our aim of trying to make a difference.
We wish anyone who reads this a pleasant day, and week ahead.