Preview of topic: Sitting with my thoughts, thinking generally about things, and something that came to mind is that my sister and I have to an extent closed off our feelings, or shut them down. We do this as a protection barrier for ourselves. We do this so that we can get on with whatever we need to do. As we often say with some of our coping mechanisms, we are aware that this might be counterproductive, but we do what is best for us to get through the things we are dealing with…..
Please see: Numbness and grief which covers:
- Introduction/Our Story
- Illustrative examples/Quotes
- Numbness and Grief
- Our Final Thoughts and YouTube video
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1. Introduction/Our Story
Sitting with my thoughts, thinking generally about things, and something that came to mind is that my sister and I have to an extent closed off our feelings, or shut them down. We do this as a protection barrier for ourselves. We do this so that we can get on with whatever we need to do. As we often say with some of our coping mechanisms, we are aware that this might be counterproductive, but we do what is best for us to get through the things we are dealing with. (We have touched on these types of feelings in previous topics, one in particular would be: Dissociation and Grief).
Thinking about this as a reality, it’s quite sad as everybody should have the right and chance to acknowledge and express their feelings in situations they might be going through. For my sister and I, sometimes we feel like we have almost become numb to things. Again, this is a protective barrier so that we do not become overwhelmed with emotions.
A recent example of this was us receiving the sad and shocking news that a close family friend who was very good friends with our Dad and us recently passed away. Even typing now, it is still an unbelievable and upsetting feeling. I think about it often since we found out, the fact he is no longer here and getting our brain around it. We are also sad as this person was a connection to our Dad, he was a kind person that looked out for us right up until the last time we were in contact with him this year (2020). The news touched us so much that we actually created a topic on it: Loss of a family friend.
As a family, we’ve been deeply hurt, saddened and altogether totally let down during the time our Dad was hospitalised right up until this very day. Because of this our ability to feel and express emotions have definitely become affected. As we are more aware and acknowledging this fact along our journey, we have decided to make this a topic to help try and spread awareness of this matter.
Please see Numbness and grief:
2. Illustrative examples/Quotes
3. Numbness and Grief
“(5 Sep 2018) · In some cases, victims of loss aren’t overwhelmed with difficult emotions, but feel emotionally numb instead”…
“(30 Jun 2019) · Most of us know that it’s normal to feel numb in grief. But that doesn’t mean it feels acceptable when it’s your own feelings that pack up and leave the building”.
“ The emotional numbness sometimes experienced in grief can feel especially disturbing because after a loved one dies you expect to feel so much. You might wonder, “What is wrong with me?!?! Why don’t I feel anything” …
“If you’re not crying you may feel you’re not grieving as you should, and it can make you uncomfortable. Yet, grief can be surprising and unpredictable; you may well feel emotions you hadn’t expected. … Some people feel numb when someone dies, and feel intense grief much later”.
“The answer is: NO! you do not have to cry to grieve. In spite of the seemingly logical association between grief and tears, crying is not a measure of your sadness nor proof of your grief. It is often said that we all grieve in our own way and at our own pace. (1 Oct 2010)”.
“When incomplete grief is added to the mix, a person can overreact. One person may become more dependent on a partner, while someone else may swing way to the opposite side and pull away from others, avoiding any sense of closeness to order to avoid potential loss and pain. (7 Jun 2017)”.
“Feeling numb after the death of someone you love is a natural, healthy part of the grieving process. The shock protects you from the cliff of insanity and helps you cope with daily life. But what if you feel like you’ll never” …
“The death of someone close to us is probably the most devastating experience that will ever happen to us. We can find ourselves bewildered by the unexpected strength and intensity of the feelings that overtake us.”
“(7 Jul 2014) · Even though people grieve in many individual ways and need different types of support, there are common feelings and behaviors that most people exhibit”…
“(10 May 2019) · Continued disbelief in the death of the loved one, or emotional numbness over the loss; Inability to accept the death; Feeling preoccupied with the loved one or how they died; Intense sorrow” …
4. Our Final Thoughts and YouTube video
My sister and I are on a journey, one that is due to circumstance rather than choice. We miss our Dad every single day and wish he was still here with us. Sadly that will never happen. We struggle daily with the nature in which our Dad passed away, which could possibly also contribute to our feelings of numbness and grief.
We are aware of our feelings as much as we possibly can be, and we try our best to acknowledge these feelings and take care of our health and wellbeing as we move through various emotions. Sharing our story is one of the ways we are both acknowledging and expressing our realisations of grief. Doing this and knowing that we could possibly help someone who might be going through something similar helps us to feel that we are trying to make our situation be as positive as it can be. This is one of the ways we are trying to turn our situation of circumstance around.
We wish anyone who has read this a great day, evening, week and weekend ahead.