Preview to topic: This was not a planned topic when doing research for something else, we came across this term: Prolonged Grief. Something about this made us want to investigate further to see what this term was about and what it meant. We found a similarity that we could relate to and this is why we were further intrigued..
Please see: Prolonged Grief which covers:
- Introduction/Our Story
- Quotes/Illustrations Prolonged Grief
- Prolonged Grief
- Our Final Thoughts/YouTube Video
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1. Introduction/Our Story
This was not a planned topic when doing research for something else, we came across this term: Prolonged Grief. Something about this made us want to investigate further to see what this term was about and what it meant.
We found a similarity that we could relate to and this is why we were further intrigued.
My sister and I have often stated we have not accepted what has happened to our Dad.
We are aware we have used the sorting of our Dad’s affairs as a distraction to facing what has happened and our new reality.
Something else we are fully aware of is:
The nature of circumstances in which our Dad passed away and everything that took place leading up to it plays a major part in our non-acceptance.
I (Tara) have very recently started counselling again, and something that really stuck with me was a question I was asked:
What happens once this complaint that we are undertaking is over?
My sister and I felt that as probate was such a big part of our daily life, something that was one of the hardest things we have ever had to do, and for such a long period of time. We thought when that was over, maybe then we would be able to try and start to come to terms with our loss.
Ultimately, we knew it really is the complaint. We will not really be able to come to terms with anything until that reaches a resolution or resolve.
But being asked that question so recently. The thought and prospect of when that day arrives is a very scary one.
- We have absolutely no idea how we will feel
- We have absolutely no idea what will be to come
- We are putting our focus and energy into this complaint, but when we are no longer doing this, WHAT WILL BE NEXT…
This is where we found familiarity with prolonged grief. One of the factors of this is:
“Prolonged grief is primarily characterised by an intense longing for or persistent preoccupation with the deceased person (2, 3). Other characteristics include difficulties in accepting the death, the feeling of having lost a part of oneself, difficulties in continuing with life, emotional numbness and avoidance of things/places/activities that serve as reminders of the deceased. Others also emphasise rumination over how the death could have been avoided, blaming of others and self-blame as typical of persons who struggle with prolonged grief”.
This summarises the way we feel when it comes to the circumstances in which our Dad passed away.
In the meantime we actually feel fortunate that we were able to make our thoughts become a reality by creating our blog. It is something that was our choice, unlike the majority of situations and decisions we have had to make since our Dad was hospitalised in September 2016.
We are thankful for the difference the blog is making for others, we are thankful for:
- The people who share their stories with us
- Our posts being shared/people following our blog and social media platforms
- Family and friend’s recommending/sharing our blog
- Support from family and friends
These thing’s validate the reason we created the blog, and helps to fill us with some form of purpose.
We are also thankful for the bonds we have built within the commuinty we have become a part of. One that we wouldnt have ever known existed had we not felt the compulsion to start our blog. It is a big part of our experience that is now also helping us along our grief journey.
By doing this topic we are not stating we feel we have been in our situation for too long, as there is no time limit, or instruction manual when it comes to grief, but as this blog was created to share our experience along our journey, is why we decided to make it a topic.
This is something new that we have just learnt and discovered, but it just so happens it is relatable to us. It could be relatable to someone else who might be going through something similar and this is why we have decided to make it a topic.
Please see Prolonged Grief:
2. Quotes/Illustrations Prolonged Grief
3. Prolonged Grief
“When a loved one passes away, it is normal to feel sadness and grief. Soon after a loss many people experience intense and persistent yearning or longing for”…
“15 May 2018 — While most people experience transient rather than persistent distress after the death of a loved one, some can struggle long-term”.
“4 Apr 2017 — 04.04.2017: Klinisk oversikt – Prolonged grief disorder, which is proposed as a new diagnosis in ICD-11, and depression share some”…
“18 May 2017 — DSM (5th edition) has introduced criteria for persistent complex bereavement disorder (PCBD) categorised as one of the “other specified trauma”- …
“6 Jun 2018 — A new mental health disorder, prolonged grief disorder (PGD), will be included in the 11th edition of the International Classification of Diseases”…
4. Our final thoughts/YouTube Video
There is no manual or guidebook, grief is an individual process, it is as individual as a fingerprint. There is no right or wrong way, no time limit.
My sister and I are an example, we are in the fourth year that our Dad sadly passed away, and to this very day, it still feels fresh and new. It still feels like a non-reality, it is still hard to accept and believe, even though we know that it is our reality. If we think too deeply about our Dad, mainly if it’s a thought of his time in the hospital, or a thought that makes us sad, we try to shake it off, or push it away from our mind. These are feelings that we are going to have to face and deal with at some point in time. We say this because if we do not then it will hold us back from progressing through our journey.
For us, the best we try to do is approach each new day with a positive mindset, whilst trying to maintain a balance. When we are so caught up or involved in something it can be very easy to forget about our surroundings. We have almost gotten used to being within our bubble, on a hamster wheel, hoping that it will one day slow down so that we can eventually try to start building ourselves back up.