Guilt and Grief

© Copyright 2019 Grief Probate Journey Blog *PLEASE NOTE THIS INFORMATION IS SOURCED FROM UK and AMERICAN WEBSITES* It is also based on our own experience. *We are not experts in this field, we are speaking purely on our own experience with information sought from the internet to give further examples.*

Please see Guilt and Grief which includes:

  1. Introduction/Our Story
  2. Illustrative examples/Quotes: Guilt and Grief
  3. YouTube Video: Guilt and Grief
  4. Guilt and Grief
  5. Ways to deal with Guilt and Grief
  6. Links on Guilt and Grief
  7. Our Final Thoughts

1. Introduction/Our Story

This topic came about from watching a programme called Long Island Medium.

One of the people’s loved one’s said it is okay for you to smile, it is okay for you to be happy, you are not living your life as you have guilt

We can relate to this 100%. That is exactly how we feel:

  • Guilty how things turned out
  • Guilty that we didn’t do enough
  • Guilty that we are possibly letting our Dad down

These feelings are constantly in our thooughts. Whether they are in our background or at our forefront. The guilt my sister and I feel is as though there are no words to explain it. We feel this way because our constant concerns were not listened too, and the outcome is our Dad is no longer here. We should not be feeling this way as we are not medical professionals, we were not responsible for our Dad’s professional medical care. But as his daughters knowing him and his personality, character and inner strength, had our concerns been listened too we truly believe the outcome would be our Dad would still be with us. This is something we have to live with daily. It is a horrible feeling. It does not make us feel good at all.

Along our journey we feel various waves of emotions. Among dealing with daily life we sometimes are not even aware how we are truly feeling, this is because we are so used to just doing and getting on with everything that needs to be done.

We decided to do this topic as it just feels relevant.

  • Relevant for it to be a topic to try and spread awareness of
  • Relevant as this is something we feel
  • Relevant as we are aware there are others who possibly have this type of guilt

Please see Guilt and Grief:

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2. Illustrative examples/Quotes: Guilt and Grief

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3. YouTube Video: Guilt and Grief

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4. Guilt and Grief

4.1 When Grief Causes Guilt  – Second Firsts

“Grief-related guilt can be just as crippling and devastating as grief itself. In fact, I’ve begun to think of guilt as the intrinsic fabric of grief”.

4.2 Guilt and Grief: coping with coulda, woulda, shouldas

“In our experience most grievers have some level of guilt associated with their loss – sometimes big, sometimes small”.

4.3 Is guilt a normal part of grief?

“Here’s the deal – guilt is a feeling. Feelings need to be validated and we need to find ways to accept, integrate, and move forward with these feeling. But first and foremost, we need to accept that guilt is a common and normal feeling in grief”.

4.4 Guilt and the Emotional Collage | Hello Grief

“When the opportunity to seek forgiveness or make amends is lost, such as when a person dies, guilt can become a (if not the) dominant feeling in your loss”.

4.5 Grief and the Burden of Guilt – Grief Healing

“Unfortunately, guilt is a natural and common component of grief. When someone you love dies, it’s only human to search for an explanation”.

4.6 How Guilt Complicates the Grieving Process

Death-Causation Guilt

“Deathcausation: The perception that you could’ve done something, should’ve taken an action, or failed to do something that caused a loved one’s death. Illness or moment-of-death: Guilt that asks “Why didn’t I do more,” to prevent illness or help treat the person who died”. (11 Apr 2016).

4.7 When Guilt, Grief and Anger Collide

“What we call complicated grief typically results from complex and often ambivalent relationships, leaving in the survivor unresolved feelings of guilt, shame, anger, and regret that can fester, sometimes for many years”.

4.8 Guilt in Bereavement: The Role of Self-Blame and Regret in Coping with Loss

“Despite the apparent centrality of guilt in complicating reactions following bereavement, scientific investigation has been limited. Establishing the impact of specific components associated with guilt could enhance understanding”

4.9 What are the symptoms of survivor’s guilt?

“Symptoms of survivor guilt typically include nightmares, difficulty sleeping, flashbacks to the traumatic event, loss of motivation, irritability, a sense of numbness, and thoughts about the meaning of life”. (19 Jan 2018).

4.10 Grief Roadblocks & How to Let Go of Tough Emotions

“A “grief roadblock” refers to any of the tough and complicated emotions that stand in the way of our path to healthy grieving. These emotions- like anger, guilt and regret- are very often responsible for leaving a person in a grief limbo and halting their ability to move forward”.

My sister and I can fully relate to this. It feels as though we are in a grief roadblock. We are in this roadblock due to the nature and circumstances of our Dad’s passing, and this is halting our ability to accept, acknowledge, move forward.

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5. Ways to deal with Guilt and Grief

5.1 Loss is not your fault – the role guilt plays in grief

“In her rolling series on grief, loss and bereavement, Chelsy Ranard looks at guilt’s role in grief, and how to manage those difficult feelings”.

5.2 Ways to cope with guilt in grief | AK Lander

“One of the most common feelings in grief is guilt which can be hard to understand and overcome. Discover some of the ways you can try and cope with guilt.”

5.3 Guilt – What It Is – Tragedy Assistance Program

“Those around try to help, but your grief is a dizzying array of emotions and thoughts. And one of the most common emotions of grief is guilt”.

5.4 Dealing with Regret and Guilt in Grief | Claire Bidwell Smith

“After a loss, regret can haunt us endlessly. Learn how to deal with regret in grief and let go of guilt you may be carrying”.

5.5 The Role of Guilt in Grief – Care for the Family

“The role of guilt in grief. The grief journey is long, winding, uncharted and at times torturous.”

5.6 Guilt and Grief: Giving Yourself Mercy When You Feel You Are To Blame

“Guilt and grief are a ubiquitous pair, in part because of how our brains are wired”.

5.7 The Challenge of Guilt During Grief – Open to Hope

“Before I made my professional home in the grief world, I had no idea that guilt was such a common emotion after someone died”.

5.8 Guilt When Grieving  – MotherGeek – A Geeky, Warts N All UK Family Blog

“Find out how I dealt with guilt when grieving and how I still feel guilty now – years on. A geeky lifestyle & family blog, written by a 30ish UK Mum”.

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6. Links on Guilt and Grief

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7. Our Final Thoughts

My sister andI have no idea:

  • Which direction our journey will lead to next
  • How we will handle what lays ahead and is in store for us

All we can hope is no matter what may come our way we try our very best to have the faith and will to get through it. We also hope we will not be so hard on ourself as everything that occured was beyond our remit and out of our control. As we state at the beginning of each post, we do not claim to be medical experts. This blog is based on our experience with information sought from the internet.

We need to remember we are not medical professionals.

  • Within the limitations of our remit we did our very best for Our Dad whilst he was in the hospital.
  • We are doing our very best to puruse with the complaint against the hospital in which our Dad was an inpatient.

Inner peace, this is what my sister and I are hoping for. That we will come to find some sort of inner peace with regards to this whole ordeal.

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