Preview to topic: This topic came about from watching a programme called Long Island Medium. One of the people’s loved one’s said it is okay for you to smile, it is okay for you to be happy, you are not living your life as you have guilt. We can relate to this 100%. That is exactly how we feel: Guilty how things turned out….
Please see Guilt and Grief which includes:
- Introduction/Our Story
- Illustrative examples/Quotes: Guilt and Grief
- YouTube Video: Guilt and Grief
- Guilt and Grief
- Ways to deal with Guilt and Grief
- Links on Guilt and Grief
- Our Final Thoughts
© Copyright 2019 Grief Probate Journey Blog *PLEASE NOTE THIS INFORMATION IS SOURCED FROM UK and AMERICAN WEBSITES* It is also based on our own experience. *We are not experts in this field, we are speaking purely on our own experience with information sought from the internet to give further examples.*
1. Introduction/Our Story
This topic came about from watching a programme called Long Island Medium.
One of the people’s loved one’s said it is okay for you to smile, it is okay for you to be happy, you are not living your life as you have guilt.
We can relate to this 100%. That is exactly how we feel:
- Guilty how things turned out
- Guilty that we didn’t do enough
- Guilty that we are possibly letting our Dad down
These feelings are constantly in our thooughts. Whether they are in our background or at our forefront. The guilt my sister and I feel is as though there are no words to explain it. We feel this way because our constant concerns were not listened too, and the outcome is our Dad is no longer here. We should not be feeling this way as we are not medical professionals, we were not responsible for our Dad’s professional medical care. But as his daughters knowing him and his personality, character and inner strength, had our concerns been listened too we truly believe the outcome would be our Dad would still be with us. This is something we have to live with daily. It is a horrible feeling. It does not make us feel good at all.
Along our journey we feel various waves of emotions. Among dealing with daily life we sometimes are not even aware how we are truly feeling, this is because we are so used to just doing and getting on with everything that needs to be done.
We decided to do this topic as it just feels relevant.
- Relevant for it to be a topic to try and spread awareness of
- Relevant as this is something we feel
- Relevant as we are aware there are others who possibly have this type of guilt
Please see Guilt and Grief:
2. Illustrative examples/Quotes: Guilt and Grief
3. YouTube Video: Guilt and Grief
4. Guilt and Grief
“Grief-related guilt can be just as crippling and devastating as grief itself. In fact, I’ve begun to think of guilt as the intrinsic fabric of grief”.
“In our experience most grievers have some level of guilt associated with their loss – sometimes big, sometimes small”.
“Here’s the deal – guilt is a feeling. Feelings need to be validated and we need to find ways to accept, integrate, and move forward with these feeling. But first and foremost, we need to accept that guilt is a common and normal feeling in grief”.
“When the opportunity to seek forgiveness or make amends is lost, such as when a person dies, guilt can become a (if not the) dominant feeling in your loss”.
“Unfortunately, guilt is a natural and common component of grief. When someone you love dies, it’s only human to search for an explanation”.
“Death–causation: The perception that you could’ve done something, should’ve taken an action, or failed to do something that caused a loved one’s death. Illness or moment-of-death: Guilt that asks “Why didn’t I do more,” to prevent illness or help treat the person who died”. (11 Apr 2016).
“What we call complicated grief typically results from complex and often ambivalent relationships, leaving in the survivor unresolved feelings of guilt, shame, anger, and regret that can fester, sometimes for many years”.
“Despite the apparent centrality of guilt in complicating reactions following bereavement, scientific investigation has been limited. Establishing the impact of specific components associated with guilt could enhance understanding”
“Symptoms of survivor guilt typically include nightmares, difficulty sleeping, flashbacks to the traumatic event, loss of motivation, irritability, a sense of numbness, and thoughts about the meaning of life”. (19 Jan 2018).
“A “grief roadblock” refers to any of the tough and complicated emotions that stand in the way of our path to healthy grieving. These emotions- like anger, guilt and regret- are very often responsible for leaving a person in a grief limbo and halting their ability to move forward”.
My sister and I can fully relate to this. It feels as though we are in a grief roadblock. We are in this roadblock due to the nature and circumstances of our Dad’s passing, and this is halting our ability to accept, acknowledge, move forward.
5. Ways to deal with Guilt and Grief
“In her rolling series on grief, loss and bereavement, Chelsy Ranard looks at guilt’s role in grief, and how to manage those difficult feelings”.
“One of the most common feelings in grief is guilt which can be hard to understand and overcome. Discover some of the ways you can try and cope with guilt.”
“Those around try to help, but your grief is a dizzying array of emotions and thoughts. And one of the most common emotions of grief is guilt”.
“After a loss, regret can haunt us endlessly. Learn how to deal with regret in grief and let go of guilt you may be carrying”.
“The role of guilt in grief. The grief journey is long, winding, uncharted and at times torturous.”
“Guilt and grief are a ubiquitous pair, in part because of how our brains are wired”.
“Before I made my professional home in the grief world, I had no idea that guilt was such a common emotion after someone died”.
“Find out how I dealt with guilt when grieving and how I still feel guilty now – years on. A geeky lifestyle & family blog, written by a 30ish UK Mum”.
6. Links on Guilt and Grief
- Grief and Guilt: Partners in Crime – The Work As Meditation
- How to Get Rid of Feelings of Guilt Following a Loss – The Grief Recovery Method
- Grief and Guilt – How to Stop Blaming Yourself
- Grief, Guilt and Forgiveness – Counselling Directory
- Guilt in Grief | The Loss Foundation
- Grief and Guilt – Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement
- Guilt and Grieving |GriefandMourning.com
- The After Series: The Guilt of Feeling Happy During Grief
- Healing Hearts: Grief Stages- Guilt
- Feelings when someone dies | Cruse Bereavement Care
- Coping with Grief – Beliefnet
7. Our Final Thoughts
My sister and I have no idea:
- Which direction our journey will lead to next
- How we will handle what lays ahead and is in store for us
All we can hope is no matter what may come our way we try our very best to have the faith and will to get through it. We also hope we will not be so hard on ourself as everything that occured was beyond our remit and out of our control. As we state at the beginning of each post, we do not claim to be medical experts. This blog is based on our experience with information sought from the internet.
We need to remember we are not medical professionals.
- Within the limitations of our remit we did our very best for our Dad whilst he was in the hospital.
- We are doing our very best to puruse with the complaint against the hospital in which our Dad was an inpatient.
Inner peace, this is what my sister and I are hoping for. That we will come to find some sort of inner peace with regards to this whole ordeal.