© Copyright 2019 Grief Probate Journey Blog *PLEASE NOTE THIS INFORMATION IS SOURCED FROM UK and AMERICAN WEBSITES* It is also based on our own experience. *We are not experts in this field, we are speaking purely on our own experience with information sought from the internet to give further examples.*
Please see Anniversaries and Grief which covers:
- Introduction/Our Story
- Illustrative Examples/Quotes: Anniversaries and Grief
- Anniversaries and Grief
- Links on Anniversaries and Grief
- Our Final Thoughts
1. Introduction/Our Story
This topic feels strange. Inevitably, the entire blog is relatable to us. But this topic is so close to home that it seems surreal.
We are providing links, which in fact are suggestions of how we could/should be addressed. This is weird to compute in our minds.
We are writing about something that directly could help us, and is what we should be thinking about and taking on for ourselves, but because of this limbo state we are in, it is hard to fathom.
Because we are so far removed from our situation, we never see things as being related to us. Interestingly something we have learnt from a previous post: Guilt and Grief. My sister and I feel that we are experiencing grief roadblock. Reading this helped us in the sense that it made us see that how we are feeling is not unusual. This is something that happens to people depending on the circumstance of their grief.
We are approaching the third year of life without our Dad. The fact that three years have passed seems unimaginable. To us, it really does feel as though it happened recently.
Fairly recently, I had been coming across pictures of our Dad. To try and explain what this did to me, there really are no words, I got an instant feeling inside. And then once that had passed and I acknowledged what I was looking at, there was a feeling of happiness and maybe even slight excitement. But that then turned into sadness as I become aware of our reality.
The last time we were feeling like this quite frequently was when we were clearing our Dad’s property. So in some ways we should expect to come across many memories as our Dad lived there for many many year’s .
The pictures I am referring too are ones were discovered in my house, I think this is why it came as more of a shock. It was unexpected and I wasn’t prepared for it. On top of that neither I or my sister had seen these pictures before. Pictures of our Dad at work: British Telecom (BT), pictures of our Dad playing cricket.
It felt amazing to be in the possession of this new memory, but it was also bittersweet to say the least, it’s really nice to discover these new pictures, but then there’s the worry, there will come a time where there are no new memories. What happens then, that’s a scary thought. I do believe that we are keeping our Dad’s memory alive and no matter what that is something that we will always continue to do. We would like to share the pictures that we found:
To mark this third year, we will continue as we have by spending time together as a family in honor of our Dad 🙏🏾❤🙏🏾. We will be together, share together, support each other together .
Please see Anniversaries and Grief:
2. Illustrative Examples/Quotes: Anniversaries and Grief
3. Anniversaries and Grief
“The Grief Body: Our Involuntary Anniversaries of Loss. “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” (28 Dec 2018).
“Elsewhere in the world, people faithfully mark the anniversary of their relatives’ deaths. Festivities are held, not only to pay respects to the dead, but also to celebrate their life and strengthen the bonds between the living and their ancestors”. (15 Aug 2017)
“A death anniversary (or deathday) is the anniversary of the death of a person. It is the opposite of birthday. Celebration of mass in memory of a loved one on or near the anniversary of their death is also a part of Roman Catholic Christian tradition”.
Tips to cope with reawakened grief
- “Be prepared. Anniversary reactions are normal”.
- “Plan a distraction”.
- “Reminisce about your relationship”.
- “Start a new tradition”.
- “Connect with others”.
- “Allow yourself to feel a range of emotions”.
- “Make a Time Capsule. Make a time capsule filled with items that are associated with your friend or family member who passed on”.
- “Build a Cairn”.
- “Find and Carry a Perfect Pocket Charm”.
- “Create a Playlist of Favourite Songs.”
- “Create a Facebook Memorial Page”.
- “Create a Memory Board on Pinterest”.
- “Plant a Memory Garden”.
In our case, as our Dad loved his garden, we would love to plant a memory garden. What we are proud about is every single picture on this blog were taken in our Dad’s garden. His produce that still flourished years after his passing.
Below are several ways you can remember and honor your loved one’s memory long after they have gone on.
- “Celebrate your loved one’s birthday.”
- “Host a dinner in their honor”.
- “Get involved”.
- “Set up a permanent memorial and visit regularly”.
- “Create a memorial video/memory box”.
- “Create your own tradition”.
- “Visit special places”. (23 Aug 2018)
20 unique ways to remember a lost loved one – Part 1
- “Dedicate a memorial vine”.
- “Dedicate a memorial bench”.
- “Plant a tree to remember a life lived”.
- “Turn their favourite piece of clothing into a teddy bear”.
- “Frame a cherished garment”.
- “Keep a loved one’s accessory to wear”.
- “Create a shrine”.
- “Name a rose”.
More items… (7 Jun 2015)
- “Visit their final resting place”.
- “Release butterflies”.
- “Write a letter, poem or blog”.
- “Play their favourite song”.
- “Hold a special remembrance ceremony”.
- “Take time out”.
- “Express loving sentiments with flowers”.
- “Take a seat”.
More items.. (9 Aug 2017)
“30 ways to honour and remember your loved one on their death anniversary: .Reach out to someone else grieving the loss via letter, card, phone call, or e-mail”.
“Just being there is often enough. In this situation, feel free to say simple things, like: “It’s great to see you.”
If the person brings up their loss, feel free to say:
- “It’s a tough day. I am glad to see you, though.”
- “They would want to see you having fun.”
- “I’m glad you’re here. How are you doing today?” (11 Dec 2019)
“If the person brings up their loss, feel free to say: “It’s a tough day. I am glad to see you, though.” “They would want to see you having fun.”
At a social gathering
- “It’s great to see you.”
- “I’m so glad we’re all together.”
- “I miss them, but I feel like they’re here with us.” (11 Dec 2019)
“Mum honours husband’s memory with hospice gift on wedding anniversary. A MOTHER has marked what would have been her first wedding anniversary by paying for a day of care at a hospice in memory of her late husband”.
4. Links on Anniversaries and Grief
4.1 Anniversaries and Grief
- Acknowledging Our Grief Anniversaries – John Pavlovitz
- The Do’s and Dont’s of A Grief Anniversary – Dr Ken Druck
- Tips for Coping with Anniversary Reactions
- Anniversary Reactions – Grief & Bereavement Issues – Mayo Clinic
- Anniversaries and Events when Grieving | The Loss Foundation
- Will We Always Hurt on The Anniversary of Losing a Loved One?
- Dealing With Difficult Days | Grief Journey
- When an Anniversary of Your Loved One’s Death Approaches
- The Anniversary Effect | Psychology Today UK
- The Impact of Anniversaries when you are grieving
- Anniversaries and Reminders When you are Bereaved | Cruse Bereavement Care
4.2 Ideas for honouring Anniversaries
- 100+ Best Celebration of Life Ideas!
- 6 Ideas to Mark a Loved One’s Death Anniversary
- Five Ideas to Mark a Grief Anniversary – Celebrating a Loved One’s Life
- 5 Ideas for Celebrating Life on Grief Anniversaries
- 5 Ideas for Facing Deathiversaries – Modern Loss
5. Our Final Thoughts
So much has happened constantly daily, this probably has a lot to do with us not realising that in fact not only have days and months passed, years have also passed, and three years at that. It’s quite scary to come to terms with and comprehend. We are fully aware that time waits for no one, tomorrow isn’t promised, this is a classic example of that saying. We are living proof of that fact.
We do not know when we will ever fully come to terms or even come to some form of acceptance of what has happened. We can only try our best to live our best life, taking care of ourselves as best as we can as we continue to move forward.
We love and miss you forever Dad 😔. R.I.E.P 🙏🏾