Goodbye and Grief

Preview to the topic:

Until this latest therapy session, I thought I was ready for bereavement therapy. These sessions have made me realise how UNREADY I am for it.

To be present and showing up for bereavement therapy, takes a whole lot more than I am currently able to handle.

In my most recent session I was asked if have written a “goodbye letter” I said no without hesitation as I haven’t ever been asked that…..

Please see Goodbye and Grief which covers:

  1. Introduction
  2. Illustrative examples: Goodbye and Grief
  3. Goodbye and Grief
  4. Men and Grief with illustrative examples
  5. Our final thoughts/Our YouTube Video

© Copyright 2019 Grief Probate Journey Blog *PLEASE NOTE THIS INFORMATION IS SOURCED FROM UK and AMERICAN WEBSITES* It is also based on our own experience. *We are not experts in this field, we are speaking purely on our own experience with information sought from the internet to give further examples. *

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1. Introduction

Until this latest therapy session, I thought I was ready for bereavement therapy. These sessions have made me realise how UNREADY I am for it.

To be present and showing up for bereavement therapy, takes a whole lot more than I am currently able to handle.

In my most recent session I was asked if have written a “goodbye letter” I said no without hesitation as I haven’t ever been asked that.

This really threw me, shook me up, down, around, sideways.

As this isn’t anything I’ve been asked or ever had to consider I was almost in a state of panic. But there is no pressure in my sessions so I tried my best to keep that in mind.  But my panic and even anxiety were related to the fact of saying goodbye. It feels like that would be skipping too many steps forward.

There hasn’t been acceptance, how can there be a goodbye

A goodbye feels so final even though in reality it already is final.

Grief is an individual experience, but for my sister and I, we both feel that we are not ready for bereavement therapy, nor are we ready to write a goodbye letter. Maybe one day it might be something that we find we would be able to do, but not for now, in this present moment.

We have also decided to include Men and Grief as we are aware that sometimes mens grief might not be recognised, which means for them the grieving process and saying goodbye could feel even harder.

Please see Goodbye and Grief:

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2. Illustrative examples: Goodbye and Grief

This was definitely my sister and I experience. Not knowing it really was the last goodbye. On the day our Dad took his final breathe, it was a dificult experience for me. It was one of the worst hopital experiences I had in the seven months of daily visits.

  • On this day, i’d had enough of smiling and pretending I was okay.
  • I’d had enough of having to psych myself up to be ready for another visit to the hospital and what might face me.
  • I’d had enough of seeing other patients receiving physiotherapy knowing our Dad had become bed bound due to lack of treatment
  • I’d had enough of the lack of treatment that both our Dad and us as a family had been given.

On that evening when we all said goodbye and goodnight to our Dad, little did we know that would be the last. To this day it still gives us great sadness that we were not there with our Dad in his final moments and that he was all alone.

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3. Goodbye and Grief

3.1 How do you write a letter to a deceased loved one?

“Write about”:

  1. “Experiences you have been through since your loved one’s death”.
  2. “A favorite memory”.
  3. “Anything and everything that has happened since their death”.
  4. “How you’ve grown and changed”.
  5. “The ways you continue to honor their memory”.
  6. “Anything you miss or regret since they died”.
  7. “Issues in your relationship that remain unresolved”.(More items… (12 Apr 2018)

3.2 How do you say goodbye after death?

“Call up happy memories”.

“Remember your loved one and feel close to them by listening to special music or making a playlist, looking through old photos, watching a favorite TV show, or reading a certain book. Remembering past times with them can help you say goodbye”.

3.3 Seven good ways to say goodbye – Marie Curie

(2 Aug 2018) — “Saying farewell to a loved one is hard. These ways to say goodbye can help comfort someone in grief, mourning a death or facing saying”…

3.4 Bereavement: Saying Goodbye Coping with the loss of a loved one

But your grief will probably take you to a place where you’re able to live a normal life with a daily routine. And no matter how long your grieving takes, it will”…

3.5 How to cope with your grief when you can’t say goodbye – Hospiscare

For those who have lost someone suddenly or without being able to say goodbye, grief symptoms can persist for longer. It can make the physical and emotional”…

3.6 Saying goodbye: helpful advice for those dealing with loss

Grief and mourning are a group of feelings associated with loss. Although people may use different words to describe their feelings; the feelings are similar to”..

3.7 A Letter to…My Dad who died suddenly | Family | The Guardian

“A letter toMy dad, who died suddenly. The letter you always wanted to write. Fri 26 Aug 2011 19.05 EDT. 49. 49. I want to write you a letter. I need to”.

3.8 Goodbye Letter (Worksheet) | Therapist Aid

“Help children and adolescents process their grief using the Goodbye Letter writing exercise. Your client will be asked to describe who they are grieving, special”…

We came across this link just by chance. This isn’t something we would have thought existed. I guess because the whole thing of a goodbye letter hasn’t ever crossed our mind. We decided to share it in case someone who is reading this might be feeling ready or considering it. To be honest, I think it’s helpful we have come across it as it gives an idea of how we might structure something like this.

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4. Men and Grief with illustrative examples

 

4.1 Grief and the Male Empath: Saying Goodbye to Mother

“25 Jul 2018 — Grief and the Male Empath: Saying Goodbye to Mother. To grieve and mourn is part of the human experience, teaching us the beauty of life that”…

4.2 Maybe He’s Grieving: Understanding the Unexpected Ways Men Grieve

“23 Aug 2019 — It’s even more taboo to discuss the grief men feel. Men are often grieving far more than they or their partners even realize. They grieve the death”…

4.3 How do guys deal with grief?

“Men are more likely to grieve in isolation. If a male loved one is mourning a loss, you can help by letting them know you are there to listen and support them when they are ready to talk. … Men often will pursue activities to distract them from thinking about their grief”. (27 Jun 2019).

4.4 Men and Grief – Next Avenue

“23 Jan 2020 — How Men Grieve. Face this profound challenge by staying connected and finding friends who will listen”. By Jackson Rainer.

4.5 Helping a Man Who is Grieving – GriefWords.com

“The outward expression of grief is called mourning. All men grieve when someone they love dies, but if they are to heal, they must also mourn. You can help by”…

4.6 How Real Men Deal With Grief And Loss – ManTalks

“ManTalks founder, Connor Beaton, shares wisdom on how men deal with grief and loss, situations we face”…

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5. Our Final thoughts/Our YouTube Video

We are all individuals. Individuals in life making our way through each situation and circumstance we face. Worldwide we have been living through extremely difficult times over the past year. Acknowledging our feelings with matters that we face, and trying our best to work through them is one of the best things we can do.

We hope this might be of use to those who read this topic.

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