© Copyright 2019 Grief Probate Journey Blog *PLEASE NOTE THIS INFORMATION HAS BEEN SOURCED FROM UK AND AMERICAN WEBSITES. It is also based on our own experience*
*We are not experts in this field, we are speaking purely on our own experience with information sought from the internet to give further examples on the topic. Please see Anxiety which covers the following*:
- Our experience with Anxiety
- Triggers and signs of Anxiety
- Treating Anxiety
- Effects of Anxiety
- Anxiety defenitions
- How can I help someone with severe Anxiety
- Links on Anxiety
- Our final thoughts
1. Our experience with Anxiety
In life, we can all feel anxious for one reason or another from time to time. We (my sister and I) can say our anxiety levels have gone through the roof throughout these past three years. And as time has gone on the levels of anxiety grow more and more to the point that:
- Making a decision can feel daunting
- You feel incapable
- Panic sets in at the thought of something that could be a “simple” task
- You can worry intensely
- Experience heart palpitations
- Feeling of impending doom as everything feels like too much
- Confidence levels so low
- You can feel scared
- You can feel extremely vulnerable
- You can feel as though you do not make a contribution or difference in situations
- You can feel sad
- Feel paranoid
- Conscious of imposing on people
- Feel lonely even though you have support from your friends and family
- Extremely anxious if I feel I am wasting someone’s time (timekeeping)
- Nervous sometimes for no good reason
- On edge
- Highly strung
- Conscious of talking too much about what you are going through. The thought of this brings on worry and anxiety.
1.2 Other ways Anxiety makes us feel:
- I feel extremely bad if I possibly upset someone or make them sad or angry. Upsetting someone is the last thing I would want to do as I wouldn’t want to make anyone feel sad low or upset.
- If it happens that someone is upset with me I end up thinking about it way more than I should, and I want to know what it is that I might have said or done.
- Wanting to feel happier than more than what feels like just a second or a moment. It can be so difficult to stay in a happy moment as mid flow you could be unwelcomely disturbed by a phone call or an email that brings you right back to your current reality.
- Feeling lonely. Although we have the greatest support from our friends and family, our situation can make us feel extremely lonely. The reason being is that ultimately, no matter what, everything comes back to us. We are the number one people responsible for sorting and dealing with all matters. It can be so overwhelming at times it’s unreal. Also very scary too. We almost want to regress back to childhood when our parent’s handled things. But that is not an option for us. We are the executors, therefore it is our sole responsibility (my sister and I).
The above has occured due to the way we’ve been handled by the professional organisations we deal with throughout this probate process.
It actually shocks me how bad my anxiety can get. As an example, something that should be fun, if I feel incapable I instantly start panicking. An example face painting for a friends children party. The thought of it sent me into instant panic mode. I felt like that right up until the moment it was over. And when it was over I was so relieved. In moments of high levels of anxiety, my blood almost becomes hot, my skin becomes itchy. It gets so bad that I can break out in what appears to be hives.
Our anxiety is also brought on when faced with situations that we have no clue about, we want to have enough time to process, but then there never is the time. When doing things if you are not 100% sure yourself what you are talking about this can cause tension and friction in situations you are dealing with. It can leave you feeling isolated and as if you have no knowledge.
For an example with selling our Dad’s property, we were sent various paperwork from the conveyancing solicitor that needed filling in in a short space of time. But we didn’t even understand the forms, much less have a clue how to fill it in. Panic mode and worry quickly started setting in. We have been in these sorts of situations many a time and advice we would give although easier said than done. Try your best in any situation to take the time to go through and understand any documentation you might be sent. In the long run, you will be better off for it.
You can sometimes feel vulnerable as you have to trust what you are being told as you do not know any different.
Another example we were sent a contract to sign from our conveyancing solicitor. The terms and conditions were so tiny that we would’ve needed a magnifying glass to read it. The first page of the contract was messy with crossing out and things been written over. Parts not filled in.
This caused us immense anxiety, worry and upset as we were being told we needed to sign this document. We were also being told that it can be normal for contracts to be written over as ours had been.
In raising our concerns, our conveyancing solicitor told us where we could find the contract online. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise as through searching for the contract. We found guidelines on the contract. Something that would have been useful and helpful had the conveyancing solicitor sent it to us with the contract. This is an example of where we say knowledge is power.
1.3 Finding peace in moments of stress:
We have come to notice that in moments when we are experiencing high-intensity levels of anxiety/stress, we are sent signs. An example that we often took as good signs is the flowers in our Dad’s garden still standing strong in foundations, blooming so beautifully. In particular, we always took note when the Nasturtium flower would blossom. Nasturtium represents victory in battle and conquest. A red nasturtium can mean courage, strength or passion. This would bring us joy to see, and also let us know our Dad is happy with our progress, no matter how stressed out we might be feeling. Please see Nasturtium plants from our Dad’s Garden:
Another example, there was one day in particular that stands out. A big massive moth was flying on the front car passenger window. The window was closed and I was sitting in that seat, it really appeared as though the moth was trying to get in the car and on me. I was very glad the window was closed. Later that day a pure white cat crossed my path. It caught my attention as I don’t recall ever seeing one before. Then that night as I was walking home, a white butterfly flew by me. Again it caught my attention as it was dark and the butterfly was like a bright light. And again I don’t think I remember seeing a white butterfly before. I googled all these things and was amazed by what I found. Please see the examples below:
- Butterfly Symbolism: Gardens With Wings
- Butterfly Definition
- White Butterfly Meaning – Auntyflo.com
- All White Butterfly meaning
- White Cats and Superstitions|Pets4Homes
- The Moth Spirit Animal – A complete Guide to the Meaning
Now, if I am ever stressed out or feeling anxious and see a white butterfly, I immediately calm down. And it is a nice relaxing calming feeling.
2. Triggers and signs of Anxiety
“Difficult experiences in childhood, adolescence or adulthood are a common trigger for anxiety problems. Going through stress and trauma is likely to have a particularly big impact if it happens when you’re very young. Experiences which can trigger anxiety problems include things like: physical or emotional abuse”. “Experiences which can trigger anxiety problems include things like: physical or emotional abuse. neglect losing a parent”. In our case, our anxiety became apparent when our Dad was admitted to hospital in September 2016. Gradually throughout the years and since our Dad passing away the levels of anxiety have gotten substantially worse.
“Common anxiety signs and symptoms include”:
- “Feeling nervous, restless or tense”
- “Having a sense of impending danger, panic or doom”
- “Having an increased heart rate”
- “Breathing rapidly (hyperventilation)”
- “Feeling weak or tired”
- “Trouble concentrating or thinking about anything other than the present worry”
- “Having trouble sleeping”
- “Experiencing gastrointestinal (GI) problems”
- “Having difficulty controlling worry”
- “Having the urge to avoid things that trigger anxiety”
More items…. 4 May 2018
“The feeling of being stressed can be triggered by an event that makes you feel frustrated or nervous. Anxiety is a feeling of fear, worry, or unease. It can be a reaction to stress, or it can occur in people who are unable to identify significant stressors in their life. Stress and anxiety are not always bad”. 25 May 2017. In our situation, as soon as we are faced with a stressful situation, anxiety, worry, panic can all kick in at the same time. We never like moments like this. In these moments things feel ultra-intense. We “try our very best” to take a step back, a time out to reflect and come back to the situation feeling slightly more clear-minded
“Anxiety disorders are different, though. They are a group of mental illnesses, and the distress they cause can keep you from carrying on with your life normally. For people who have one, worry and fear are constant and overwhelming and can be disabling”.12 Jun 2017
- “Heart disease”.
- “Thyroid problems, such as hyperthyroidism”.
- “Respiratory disorders, such as chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) and asthma”.
- “Drug misuse or withdrawal”.
- “Withdrawal from alcohol, anti-anxiety medications (benzodiazepines) or other medications”.
- “Chronic pain or irritable bowel syndrome”.
3. Treating Anxiety
“Untreated anxiety can get worse and cause more stress in a person’s life. However, anxiety is highly treatable with therapy, natural remedies, lifestyle changes, and medications. A person may need to try several combinations of therapies and remedies before finding one that works”. 9 Jul 2018.
“Reducing Anxiety Symptoms Right Now“
- “Take a deep breath”.
- “Accept that you’re anxious”.
- “Realize that your brain is playing tricks on you”.
- “Question your thoughts”.
- “Use a calming visualization”.
- “Be an observer — without judgment”.
- “Use positive self-talk”.
- “Focus on right now”.
“The doctor may also be able to recommend other natural remedies”.
- “Exercise. Exercise may help to treat anxiety”.
- “Meditation. Meditation can help to slow racing thoughts, making it easier to manage stress and anxiety”.
- “Relaxation exercises”.
- “Time management strategies”.
- “Cannabidiol oil”.
- “Herbal teas”.
More items. 9 Jul 2018
Take control by trying out the ideas below”.
- “Stay active. Regular exercise is good for your physical and emotional health”.
- “Don’t drink alcohol. Alcohol is a natural sedative”.
- “Stop smoking. Share on Pinterest”.
- “Ditch caffeine”.
- “Get some sleep”.
- “Eat a healthy diet”.
- “Practice deep breathing”.
More items. 20 Apr 2017
“Here are 6 science-backed foods and beverages that may provide anxiety relief”.
- “Salmon. Salmon may be beneficial for reducing anxiety“.
- “Chamomile. Chamomile is a herb that may help reduce anxiety“.
- “Dark Chocolate”.
- “Green Tea”.
9 Jul 2017
“Rather than trying to stop or get rid of an anxious thought, give yourself permission to have it, but put off dwelling on it until later”.
- “Create a “worry period.” Choose a set time and place for worrying”.
- “Write down your worries”.
- “Go over your “worry list” during the worry period”.
13 Jun 2019
“When practiced regularly relaxation techniques such as mindfulness meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, and deep breathing can reduce anxiety symptoms and increase feelings of relaxation and emotional well-being. Exercise is a natural stress buster and anxiety reliever”. 13 June 2019
4. Effects of Anxiety
“Put simply, anxiety is a sense of fear and apprehension that puts you on alert. Biologically, it’s meant to put us in a heightened sense of awareness so we‘re prepared for potential threats. Unfortunately, when we start to feel excessive anxiety, or we live in a constant state of anxiety, we‘re in trouble”.9 Jul 2019
“For the most part, anxiety is a condition that comes and goes. But for some, anxiety never goes away completely. That’s the bad news. The good news is you can manage the symptoms so they don’t manage you”. 18th May 2015
“Chronic stress, anxiety can damage the brain, increase risk of major psychiatric disorders. However, when those acute emotional reactions become more frequent or chronic, they can significantly interfere with daily living activities such as work, school and relationships”. 21 Jan 2016
5. Anxiety definitions
“Anxiety is not all in your head. … If you’ve ever had anxiety or suffered from a panic attack, you know what a crazy, out-of-body experience it is. On the mild side, you may feel lightheaded or unable to catch your breath”.18 Nov 2014
“Anxiety is all in the head however, at times, the anxiety can be quite severe or exaggerated in relation to the actual situation. This can lead to intense physical sensations, anxious thoughts, worries and avoidant behaviours that impact one’s life”. 18th Jan 2016
6.1“How can other people help”?
- “Don’t pressure them. Try not to put pressure on your friend or family member to do more than they feel comfortable with”.
- “Try to understand. Find out as much as you can about anxiety”.
- “Ask how you can help”.
- “Support them to seek help”.
- “Look after yourself”.
7. Links on Anxiety:
- Anxiety and Panic Attacks
- 6 Self-Care tips for managing Anxiety
- Generalised Anxiety disorders in Adults – Self-help – (NHS)
- How to overcome Fear and Anxiety
- Anxiety Self-Help Guide
- Self-help for Anxiety
- Anxiety – Young minds
- Living with Anxiety: Britain’s Silent Epidemic
- Here’s how to beat anxiety without medication
- Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
- Anxiety Disorders – Symptoms and Causes
- Types of Anxiety – Mental Health UK
- Anxiety Conditions – Anxiety UK
- Signs and symptoms of Anxiety – Mental Health Foundation
- Panic Attack Vs Anxiety Attack
- How to calm anxiety
- Manage your social anxiety
8. Our final thoughts
Our final thoughts would be. In moments of high-intensity volume levels of:
Try your best to step outside of the situation you are in. Take time out so that you can reflect on matters and try to think of ways to help calm your feelings and emotions.
We have achieved quite a lot in three years and we have done this having little to no knowledge at all with what we’ve been doing. But because all the outside influences that cause us stress worry and anxiety dominate the majority of what we do, we never get the time to realise. So in honesty and actual fact, we need to take our own advice and try to do the same for ourselves. This sure is some experience we are going through and we just need to believe that we will come out of it in a positive way. Positive mental attitude is key.