Taboo and Grief

© Copyright 2019 Grief Probate Journey Blog *PLEASE NOTE THIS INFORMATION IS SOURCED FROM UK and AMERICAN WEBSITES* It is also based on our own experience. *We are not experts in this field, we are speaking purely on our own experience with information sought from the internet to give further examples.*

Please see Taboo and Grief which covers:

  1. Introduction/Our Story
  2. YouTube Video: Taboo and Death: By Aviva
  3. Quotes: Taboo and Grief
  4. Grief Taboos
  5. Grief in the Workplace
  6. Links on Taboo and Grief
  7. Our Final Thoughts

1. Introduction/Our Story

Death is a part of life whether we want to accept it or not. However, it’s not often typical, usual or normal topic of conversation, and not really a topic that is appropriate to bring up in social situations. We wish to try and contribute to breaking down this taboo.

Within Social Media:

  • Comedy
  • Entertainment
  • Fashion

are a few common topics that are easy to spread and share.  These are not topics that you would feel socially awkward or second guess if you should be sharing it publicly. We are trying to spread awareness of realities of the situations we have faced along our journey.  However, there are certain situations in life that no matter the positivity of the intentions we are trying to portray.  We feel that somehow it can be a conversation stopper. Contributing to changing this perception would be amazing. It has become part of our goal.

I was writing this after attending an comedy event which was great and was spreading joy and laughter within the audience. It was great vibes, and was a distraction from what I have got going on. Then my thoughts started leaning towards the message we are trying to share and spread, and visioning the possibility of being on stage sharing our story.

They say laughter is good for the soul. We believe in this 100% we also believe healing is good for the soul, and this is why one of the things we would always advise now since our situation would be to talk to your parent’s, loved ones to find out what they have in place:

  • Do they have a will?
  • Do they have funeral insurance?
  • Do they have life insurance
  • What assets do they own?

Although a difficult conversation to have, it is important to know this whilst your loved ones are still here.

We were guilty of this matter. Our Dad often wanted to talk about his will, but we were like Dad, why do you want to talk about this now. Our Dad was a realist knowing and accepting that death is a part of life, he was also a religious man. At the end of every conversation with him on the phone or in the present when saying see you tomorrow, or speak to you tomorrow our Dad would always say, God, sparing life. Even with that, I used to say, Dad why are you saying that. But I eventually got used to it, knowing this was part of who my Dad was as a religious man with a realist outlook on life.

When we began our Blog journey, we were naive in thinking what we were doing was unique, in the sense that there were not many people sharing the stories we planned on sharing. We had this perception as when we were going through things, information wasn’t as readily available. What we are learning now is that many people share their grief through social media, and what has been nice is discovering these people and communities, and getting an establishment within it.

What has also been nice is:

  • The positive, inspiring words of encouragement we’ve had from friends supporting what we are doing, in moments of doubt we have with the blog, these things motivate us to continue.
  • People sharing their stories with us, we feel honoured that people feel that they can do this with us. We see this as steps forwards of creating more awareness within this community.

We are very pleased that we are sharing amongst each other, what my sister and I aim to do is to create recognition of our blog and what we are doing so that we can spread the awareness we wish to share as far and as wide as possible.

We are thankful with how we have done so far, as within the seven months the blog has been published:

We hope these things are the start of many new opportunities and avenues ahead in our mission and aim to create awareness.

Please see Taboo and Grief:

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2. YouTube Video: Taboo and Death: By Aviva

Protecting your family: the taboo of death

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3. Quotes: Taboo and Grief

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4. Grief Taboos

4.1 Grief is Taboo | The Grief Toolbox

“Even though the sadness, I see the beauty. Nothing will ever be as it once was as what was known means something different now”.

My sister and I can relate to this, as life as we once knew it will never be the same again. It’s almost as though we face continual life changes, we do not really have a “norm” anymore. We adapt and flow with the new situations we face.

4.2 Understanding Grief and Talking about Loss in 2019

“Death is one of life’s guarantees – and the grief that follows in its wake. Yet why is death still a societal taboo and grief so misunderstood?”

4.3 Millennials are going on expensive “grief retreats” to cope with grief

‘Dead to Me’ on Netflix is making grief less taboo, and so are these social outlets that help millennials cope with loss.

4.4 Living Grief and Bereavement: Blog – Tide

“In society today it is commonly acknowledged, accepted and permitted to experience feelings and behaviours associated with grief and bereavement when someone dies. Even if you look up definitions in the dictionary for grief and bereavement you will frequently find words such as death, dying and the loss of a loved one. What these definitions and society don’t often acknowledge, accept or permit, is that when you are caring for someone with dementia you will experience feelings of grief and bereavement whilst the person is still living”.

“The lack of awareness of “living” grief and bereavement is not only limited to professionals but in many cases to carers themselves. They may be experiencing feelings that they cannot explain or articulate to others”.

My Sister and I can relate to this. When our Dad was admitted to the hospital he was:

  • Mobile
  • Seeing

This changed rapidly whilst he was an inpatient in the hospital, and we had to get used to what we described as a “new Dad” all our lives we knew our Dad as a person who:

  • Had sight
  • Could walk
  • Was independent

The “new Dad” we had to adjust to had:

  • Lost his sight
  • Was no longer mobile
  • Suffered from Delirium quite frequently. Because of this we have a topic on Delirium and Delirium Awareness

It was very sad for us witnessing this sudden change, not just for ourselves, but for our Dad also, because in-between the delirium episodes, the Dad we always knew was still there, so it was as though he was trapped inside the new body of circumstances that had occurred.

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5. Grief in the Workplace

Grief in the workplace

5.1 Grief Shouldn’t be a taboo subject in the workplace – Campaign

“Grief shouldn’t be a taboo subject in the workplace. We owe it to each other to create an environment in which we can talk about loss”.

I agree strongly with this. Having had first-hand experience of going through a loss at work, I believe that there should be the training set in place that starts from top-level down. This would be helpful to support staff members if they experience a loss, whether it be immediate family or not. Support from the workplace when going through something like this makes a huge difference. We spend a vast majority of our time at work and if you do not feel supported in a time like this, work can become extremely difficult.

5.2 Offering Managerial Support to a Grieving Colleague

 “Grief is a universal human experience, yet workplace culture is often inhospitable to people suffering profound loss”.

“Death is widely considered a taboo subject, but managers need to understand the three phases of mourning and the most helpful response in each”

Bereavement training in workplaces is essential, as an employee you are going through enough as it is, what with the loss, work-life balance, dealing with your daily work tasks. If it is felt that you are not being understood at work or if you are made to feel as though your feelings are not being considered or taking into account, working life could become increasingly difficult for you.

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6. Links on Taboo and Grief:

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7. Our Final Thoughts

Nothing in life is gguaranteed. We don’t what the future has in store, or what a new day will bring.

At this moment in time our thoughts, prayers and condolences go out to Kobe Bryant’s family, and the families of the other passengers on the helicopter that sadly their lives yesterday (26/01/2020). May they R.I.E.P.

For whatever reason life as we know it can change in an instant just like that. This is now our world. Life will never be the same for us again. But we hope through our blog we will encourage people to talk to their loved ones while they are still here, so that things can be put in place.

We also hope to contribute to breaking down the taboo of talking about grief. We all deal with situations differently in life. Not everyone will feel comfortable talking openly about their Grief. There are many different avenues to Channel Grief. Whether you chose or not to talk about it openly, we want to contribute to breaking down that barrier.

Through sharing our story and connecting with others who are going through similar things, we believe this could be possible .

Please feel free to comment, or ask us any questions.

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