© Copyright 2019 Grief Probate Journey Blog *PLEASE NOTE THIS INFORMATION IS SOURCED FROM UK and AMERICAN WEBSITES* It is also based on our own experience. *We are not experts in this field, we are speaking purely on our own experience with information sought from the internet to give further examples.*
Please see: Keeping too Busy – Self-Care and Grief:
- Introduction/Our Story
- Quotes/Illustrative Examples: Self Care and Grief
- Keeping Busy and Grief
- Self Care and Grief
- Guest Feature: Lic. M.D. Migdalia – Holistic Thanatologist
- YouTube Videos: Self Care and Grief
- Links on: Keeping Busy and Grief
- Links on: Self-Care and Grief
- Our Final Thoughts
1. Introduction/Our Story
We decided to do this topic as it relates to us or to us in a very big way.
Since the events that have taken place once our Dad went into the hospital on 5th September 2016, being busy is all we’ve ever known. What we now realise is being busy is also part of our coping mechanism, it is keeping us getting through.
It might sound strange because being busy all the time is of course:
- Mentally and physically challenging
- Distorts your sense of reality or being in the real world with others
Despite all of the above, this seems better than the thought of having nothing to do or having less to do. The reasons being, once everything slows down that’s when thoughts kick in, and that’s also when we have to really acknowledge and face the reality of our situation. Our Dad no longer being here, which makes us very sad.
At the moment, our reality comes and goes, hitting us in waves. And when it does hit, it comes as a real blow.
Our family and friends have never suggested to us that keeping busy would help us get through. They, from the very beginning, had said that we should take things slowly, and we should try to make sure that we take care of ourselves. They show concern for how much we do at any one moment in time. Just recently when talking to a friend of mine, they suggested I should go away by myself for a few day’s as this could do me the world of good. My sister’s friends have advised the same, or that we do something together like a spa day (etc) something where we are relaxing and that is all that our focus would be is relaxing and nothing else.
We really appreciate this as we know we are being told this out of love and for our best interests.
The reason the above was mentioned is that the links we’ve included, on Keeping Busy and Grief, some of the people within the article have stated they were advised they should keep busy to get through their grief. As this has never happened to us, we found it interesting to learn this different aspect. We kept the links in because the articles go on to give examples of Self-Care and this is what we are wanting to share in this topic.
It’s been an eye-opener for us seeing that keeping busy during a time like this really isn’t the greatest thing to do. We became so engrossed in the “probate world” that has kept us busy beyond belief, that being constantly busy became all that we know. Everything is always at a fast pace with everything feeling like it’s a priority to complete at the same time. And so being able to have a mind frame of relaxing or being relaxed feels like a virtually impossible task. It’s also why I consistently check my phone for emails, it feels like I do it every five seconds. But the reason being is the fear of missing something which could possibly mean:
- Being faced with legal action for one reason or another
- Making a late payment
- Missing a deadline
These are just a few examples of why being busy is all we know. There hasn’t ever really been enough time for us to do things in our own time. Everything feels like its now, now, now. We are not trying to make excuses or exaggerate facts, this has literally been the life we’ve become to know, and is something that we would like to share, in this case, it’s not only to help others, this should also be to help ourselves. We really need to try and take in what we are reading and see what we can do to also help ourselves. We need to try our very best to focus on our health and wellbeing as feeling good and looking after yourself starts from within.
Last week we piloted a guest feature on the Blog. We were very pleaesd moving on from this, we were fortunate enough to have someone else within our social media community agree to feature on our Blog.
We are happy to announce we have another guest feature this week.
Lic. M.D. Migdalia – Holistic Thanatologist (Item number 5) focuses on Wellbeing. We are very pleased as this fits in perfectly with the topic this week. This is a bonus, as not only are we shaing stories together and hopefully creating an awareness from different aspects, we are also making deeper connections with people who have gone through similar to us.
We have also linked to Migdalia’s Instagram and website in case you would like to know more details about Migdalia’s journey.
2. Quotes/Illustrative Examples Self-Care and Grief:
3. Keeping Busy and Grief:
“Keeping yourself uber-busy: Grieving is a difficult process, and keeping your thoughts and feelings bottled up may lead to more stress”.
“Distracting yourself with work, household chores, and other activities might help some individuals, but it’s not a cure-all. Most people need to devote some time and energy to feeling the loss, says Martineau. “Be kind to yourself, and rest when you need to. It takes time to move through grief.” So if you feel like spending the day on the couch watching television, do just that”.
This really speaks to my sister and I. We feel like we have been living life on a hamster wheel from the day our Dad was hospitalised up until this very day. We are aware that we distract from what has happened, but reading how bad keeping busy is, it’s a lot to digest.
It also almost like looking at ourselves from the outside in. Being busy is all we’ve known as probate for my sister and I has been the biggest most life challenging, demanding thing we have ever had to deal with. Without realising we allowed Probate to become our distraction to our reality that we didn’t want to face.
4. Self-Care and Grief
“Self–care for grief can help you suffer less in mind, body and spirit. Just doing one of them can start the ball rolling”.
5. Guest Feature: Lic. M.D. Migdalia – Holistic Thanatologist
My name is Migdalia and I am a Lawyer and a Thanatologist. On December 28, 2018, my father returned to light. It was from that moment that I made a decision that would finish defining the direction of my life; I started to study Thanatology finding myself to be in the stage of grief called “Finding a meaning * in Spanish we call it “re-significación de la Perdida”.
Life for me was one before my father died; there is my life before and after a loss. Before his death I was coming out of an episode called “the dark night of the soul” (it lasted 2 years of pain, illness, stillness, and meditation) and after his death, I gathered the strength to close that chapter in light and gratitude; I took courage to finally live authentically
He helped me take a step forward in my inner healing; The grief towards my father caused all kinds of changes in me: emotional, psychological, physical and spiritual, and that being said, I experienced more losses and changes and grieved much more. I began a tireless search for answers, devoured books, spent hours in silence, did all to heal, but understood we never recover from grief, we only learn to live with it. I travelled back and forth and understood that you do not have to go anywhere but to our heart to connect with them because they are in the highest and purest form of love now; we need to touch our hearts in the most absolute silence, and then this is where we will find the answers.
We human beings have 4 bodies: emotional, physical, mental and spiritual. And all are interconnected.
Health goes beyond the absence of disease. Health is the balance of our 4 bodies and our well-being is the awareness and the actions we take to take care of our bodies and thus reach our maximum potential!
Physical: REST, sleep, stretching
Mental: positive thoughts. mantras, affirmations, therapy, talking, journaling
Emotional: detect our emotions, let them be and observe them as witnesses. Know how to des-identify with them but instead be friends with them.
Spiritual: put into practice the heart in silence, conscious breathing work, which is the same as meditation, meditation should not necessarily be seated and quiet but we can do it in many beautiful ways that will connect us to our center. To our own consciousness and divinity. It is here that we understand that we are part of a whole: where we don’t wonder why that happened to us. Or what for; Or what do I have to learn? We go beyond; at some point, we go further and understand that, we are oneness, that there is compassion and we are one with the universe, that we are not alone in our journey. That the universe is change, is evolution. And that we are love, that’s where we come from and where we will return. To love and light.
6. YouTube Videos: Self-Care and Grief
6.1 Lyn Prashant: Self Care After Loss
6.2 Self-Care in Grief: By expressions of Grief
7. Links on: Keeping busy and Grief
- Self-Care in Grief: The Myth of Keeping Busy – What’s Your Grief
- Grief Resources: Why keeping busy Is a bad plan when grieving (Grief Myths-Part 6)
- Self Care in Grief: The Myth of Keeping Busy | Walter Carter Funerals
- Too Busy To Grieve – Thrive Global
- Keeping Busy – Behaviours In Bereavement – Grief Healing Discussion Groups
- Myth – Keeping Busy Helps You Recover After A Death – Passing Through Grief
8. Links on: Self-Care and Grief
- Dealing with Loss and Grief: Be Good to Yourself While You Heal
- How to Engage in Self-Care While Grieving -AgingCare.com
- Self-Care – Grief Watch
- 3 Tips for Practicing Self-Care While Grieving
- Self-Care is for Everyone | A Space to Heal & Grow
- Companion in Grief | Comfort in a Painful Journey
9. Our Final Thoughts
This topic has given us things to think about. We all have our different ways of dealing with loss. For my sister and I, keeping buys has been one of the ways. There are many things in life that cannot be controlled for example circumstances, but what can be controlled is how you deal with the circumstances you face. I think for my sister and I, I think we need to try and, take time to care for ourselves every now and then. In order to be able to do what we need to do to the best of our ability, we need to take care of ourselves.