Understanding and Grief

My sister and I have been on this journey for four years now. As that has been written and acknowledged I am shaking my head in disbelief.

It has and is an experience of highs, lows, sadness, joy. One thing throughout this journey is that we feel as though we are on a hamster wheel, it seems there are never-ending things for us to do and complete…..

Please see Understanding and Grief which covers:

Introduction
Quotes: Understanding and Grief
Understanding and Grief
Mental Health and Grief
Our Final Thoughts/ Our YouTube Video

© Copyright 2019 Grief Probate Journey Blog *PLEASE NOTE THIS INFORMATION IS SOURCED FROM UK and AMERICAN WEBSITES* It is also based on our own experience. *We are not experts in this field, we are speaking purely on our own experience with information sought from the internet to give further examples. *

1. Introduction

My sister and I have been on this journey for four years now. As that has been written and acknowledged I am shaking my head in disbelief.

We have good days, bad days, our emotions can feel as though they are all over the place. It can feel as though we have been transported into a different world.

We started this blog for a few reasons:

We wanted to share our story to try and help people
We wanted a platform where people could share their stories should they wish too (we are thankful and grateful to those that do)
We wanted to do something that was in our control
We also wanted to seek justice for our Dad

This process has had us having to deal with institutions and organisations that we had no idea about, to say it has been daunting is an understatement.

Triggers being reminded of the experience that we went through affects us in different ways. We have topics on:

At the moment we are in the process of dealing with a matter to do with the hospital complaint.

As well as that our mum. She has not been too well lately, and that causes us great worry and concern. After everything we went through and are still going through with our Dad, now our Mum, our only parent left is unwell.

It was the scariest, unsettling, unreal, disheartening, overwhelming time ever. This is just naming a few emotions and feelings. It was truly bad times for us as we had absolutely no clue what was wrong with our mum. It felt like added extra pressure because when our Dad was an inpatient in the hospital we did our very best, making sure we raised all of our complaints, and things turned out in the worst way possible.

Fast forward to four years later, our mum is unwell, we had absolutely no idea what could be wrong with her, and why this sudden drastic turn has occurred AND we were in the middle of a worldwide pandemic.

Extremely stressful, soul-destroying, devasting overwhelming uncertain times.

Our only aim was to try our best to work out what was wrong with our Mum and what we could do to fix it and get it sorted, during a worldwide pandemic.

Please see Understanding and Grief:

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2. Quotes: Understanding and Grief

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3. Understanding and Grief

3.1 Understanding Grief and Loss | Cancer.Net

“When a person loses someone close to them, it is natural to grieve. This process takes time and involves many different emotions and behaviors”.

3.2 What is your understanding of grief?

“When a person loses someone close to them, it is natural to grieve. Grief is a person’s emotional response to the experience of loss. … Mourning is the process of adapting to life after a loss”.

3.3 Why is it important to understand grief?

“Grieving such losses is important because it allows us to ‘free-up’ energy that is bound to the lost person, object, or experience—so that we might re-invest that energy elsewhere. … Healthy grieving results in an ability to remember the importance of our loss—but with a newfound sense of peace, rather than searing pain”.

3.4 The Grief Coaster: Understanding stress in your grief – Whats your grief.

“That said, here are a few basic reasons why stress levels may increase … Still, the ride isn’t ending anytime soon, and there’s no way to get off, so what choice”…

3.5 What are the determinants of grief?

“Factors Influencing Grief Responses”

“Current health situation”.
“Relationship with person who has died/thing which has been lost”.
“Age of person grieving”.
“Previous experience of grief”.
“Cultural background”.
“Belief system”.
“Financial situation”.
“Knowledge around cause of loss/death”.

3.6 What are the natural responses to grief?

“natural responses to grief”:

“Feeling tightness in the throat or heaviness in the chest or in the pit of the stomach. Having a desire to smoke or drink in a greater amount than before. Feeling restless and looking for activities. Having difficulty sleeping, waking early, and often dreaming of the loss”.

3.7 How do you survive grief?

“Survival Tips for Grief”

“Be patient with yourself. Grief is a process that takes time”. …
“Keep busy. You cannot dwell on your sorrow or your loss every waking moment”. …
“Keep a journal”. …
“Exercise daily”. …
“Be willing to change things”.

3.8 How do you deal with the loss of a loved one?

“How to deal with the grieving process”

“Acknowledge your pain”.
“Accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions”.
“Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you”.
“Seek out face-to-face support from people who care about you”.
“Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically”. (More items…)

3.9 When someone dies how do you feel?

“You might experience: shock and feelings of unreality, particularly in the days after the death. intense sadness, which can feel overwhelming. anxiety, either general or about something specific”.

3.10 How grief changes your friendships

“Grief changes your friendships: people you thought would hang beside you in anything turn dismissive, unable to hold their gaze on your pain. People you thought would have no capacity for stillness turn out to be consistent witnesses. You never know who will come through and who will fade away”. (8 Feb 2016).

3.11 How losing a parent affects friendships

“One Word Answer: Vulnerability. Your loss, of a child, spouse, parent or friend, makes other people feel weak, defenseless & helpless. It challenges their sense of control and makes them face their own greatest fears of losing a loved one”.

How do you survive a parent’s death?

“Know that what you feel is valid”. …
“Let yourself fully experience the loss” (no matter how long it takes) …
“Take care of your well-being”. …
“Share memories”. …
“Do something in their memory”. …
“Forgive them”. …
“Let others comfort you”. …
“Embrace family relationships”. (More items…) (13 Oct 2020)

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4. Mental health and grief

4.1 Can the death of a loved one cause mental illness?

“Losing a loved one unexpectedly also raised the risk of major depression, excessive use of alcohol, and anxiety disorders, including panic disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and phobias, according to the study’s findings”. (31 May 2014)

4.2 How does grief affect you mentally?

“While grief will impact your mental health in some way, typically, as time passes, an individual will be able to accept the loss and move on with their life. Someone who is dealing with chronic grief will experience increased pain over time and may develop a mental illness”. (31 Jan 2019).

4.3 Does Grief make you feel sick?

“Often connected with the disruption to our normal eating habits or routines, the bereaved often experience temporary problems with their digestive systems, such as constipation, diarrhea, stomach pain, a “hollow feeling” in the stomach, queasiness, or feeling nauseated”.

4.4 Can grief change your personality?

“Grief can change your personality on a temporary or more permanent basis based on various factors including how profound the loss was, your internal coping skills, your support system, your general temperament, your general stress tolerance, and your outlook on life”.

4.5 How the death of a loved one affects you

“The death of someone you love can shake the foundation of your existence and affect both mind and body. During a period of grief, you can become preoccupied with thoughts, memories, and images of your friend or loved one, have difficulty accepting the finality of the loss, and experience waves of sadness and yearning”.

4.6 How losing a parent can impact on your brain

“Losing a parent can lead to increased risks for long-term emotional and mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and substance abuse. … It profoundly and permanently alters us — mentally, physically, and emotionally — for the rest of our lives. (7 Dec 2018).

My sister and I can truly relate to this statement. Since the day our Dad was hospitalised in September 2016, sadly passing away in March 2017. We have never been the same, we will never be the same.

4.7 Is losing a parent traumatising?

“We found that kids who have lost a parent are more than twice as likely than nonbereaved kids to show impairments in functioning at school and at home, even 7 years later. … Grieving children also had higher rates of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) than nonbereaved children at all time points”. (16 Nov 2018).

4.8 Navigating Grief: A Guidebook for Grief and Awareness Understanding

Grief awareness guide | LearnPsychology

“Grief is normal and healthy, and grieving people should honor these feelings of loss. They need loved ones to listen to them when they want to talk about their loss and to hold them when they feel overcome by emotions”.

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5. Our Final Thoughts/ Our YouTube Video

We hope this topic will be of use to those who read it.